sixteen.

(written yesterday)

I really can't express to you how I feel right now. It's somewhere between happy, overwhelmed, and tremendously thankful. You see, today I turn 16. The big one-six. A birthday the media has created to be materialistic. And big. And, honestly, up until today, that's exactly what I expected it to be. Gifts, facebook messages, birthday letters, more gifts, and more facebook messages - me, me, me! And I guess with a surprise party, and pile of gifts from friends that know me all too well, and all the camera gear I had asked for, I got exactly that. But I realize now that it's not about any of that.

A couple weeks ago, my cousin celebrated her birthday. She was seven going on eight and I thought, 'what better person to give my American Girl Doll to?'. So as I packaged up the doll and every single one of its accessories (read: as my mom packaged up every single one of her accessories), I thought to myself, 'I'll be the star of the show!'. And I was right. As she tore open the wrapping paper to discover what was inside, she screamed with delight and ran off to dress the doll.

Then, a few hours later, her mom (my aunt) came to me and said, "She really loves it, but she wants to give it back. I think she's really overwhelmed." I smiled and assured her it was hers to keep. But I didn't get it. Why would anyone ever want to return so great of a gift - let alone an eight-year-old girl?

Then today, when I opened the envelope to find that the camera was actually on it's way, to me, I finally understood. My cousin didn't want to return the doll because she didn't like it, rather because she felt she didn't deserve it. And that's exactly what I felt, opening that envelope. Why do I, with a roof over my head and food on my plate, deserve a $900 camera? Why do I, with two parents who love me and several amazing friends, deserve a surprise party? Here's the thing:

I don't.

My birthday shouldn't celebrate me. After all, it's not Alexa-day. It should celebrate the life I was given, my birth into this world, and everyone that brought me here. Life is amazing. Without it we'd be lost, and without God. I am so lucky to have the life I have, the family I have, the friends I have, and that is the best gift God could give me. And I can't help but cry out my gratitude to the Lord, every day.

p.s. more on the birthday celebration soon :)

p.s.s. you can expect a birthday giveaway sometime next week!