iphone frames

today i set the camera down and instead documented my day through my mother's iphone. (anyone that knows me knows that i absolutely loathe my android.) the best part about iphone photography is that i'm not spending five minutes perfecting my settings and sharpening my focus. with an iphone, i can just create and shoot. it's refreshing, really. and then add a little vscocam and BAM. magic happens. 

a follow up.

okay. i just wanted to say THANK YOU. y'all are seriously amazing. i really appreciate the prayers. seereeeusleee. you want to know what kind of a day i had today? an amazing one. that's what. thank you thank you thank you! it just shows how amazing God is. 

love. you. guys.

gah.

so here's the deal. i'm writing this, tears down my face, and my winter coat still on. i just got home. fifteen hours out of the house.

this has been my life.
everyday.
for the past two months.

wake up at 6.
go to school.
learn.
go to practice.
go to ______.
get home late.
cry.
go to bed.
sleep for 6 hours.
repeat.

it hasn't been pretty. and i don't want you to think it is. some of you may follow my instagram and/or twitter. i do both. a lot. but do not get me wrong when i say my life is not perfect. i fight a constant battle with my school life and my social life. i wish for a life i can't have. i stress myself out over homework. i strive for perfectionism. but i will never get it.

last year i decided to embark on the journey of IB diploma.  (basically all advanced classes.) ha. you guys. i am an insane woman because of it. and i am nearing my breaking point.

i haven't posted in two months. and i just wanted you to know that i still exist. and that i'm not perfect. because i see a lot of bloggers out there that appear to live perfect lives. don't fall for it. no one is perfect.

love you guys. :)

p.s. prayers would sooo be appreciated.

p.p.s. this is a really vulnerable post. please be nice.

women i love // valentines day

though i spent valentine's day single (quite alright with me), i wanted to blog in the spirit of february 14 and all things love (one day late). the past few months have been part of the journey of really discovering who i am and who God created me to be. and to be honest, it's been really fricking awesome. seriously, i love where it's going. but i haven't walked this path alone. since the day i was born, there have been several women who have walked in and out of my life and many have stayed long enough to make their mark on me. i want to take this time to appreciate them. give them the thanks they deserve. because, whether they realize it or not, these women have played a huge part in me becoming who i am today.

//mom
you were the first woman in my life and you will be the last to leave my heart. seriously. i don't even know what i would do with out you. i am sososososoooo thankful for all the love and support and patience and love and more love you have provided me with all my life. how many people get a mom like you? God has reallllllly blessed me with you. DON'T YOU DOUBT IT. i can honestly say that i don't know who i would be without you. you've taught me. comforted me. pushed me. pulled me. hugged me. kissed me. and most of all, ALWAYS been there for me. i see so much of you in me. and so much of me in you. the other day one of my friends asked me if i'm best friends with you, because we just seem to get along all the time. and you know what? i guess that's true. you are truly one of my best friends. and i love it. not everyone has a relationship like we do. so thank you for following me, guiding me, and walking next to me on this journey of discovering who i am. as a daughter. woman. and child of God. xoxo

//ashley & jamie
i haven't shared much about you two on this little blog of mine. probably because i'm still processing everything you have given me. offered me. i've only known the two of you a total of five months and can already call you some of my best friends. you have no idea how much of an inspiration you are to me. really. what if i told you i got bangs again because you, ashley, ROCKED them. (i still don't approve of you growing them out. i will never let you forget.) ;) and what if i said i tried liquid eyeliner because you, jamie, are a frickin' beast at lining your eyes with liquid. (i guess the downside of only knowing you five months is that i still can't tell you apart, ESPECIALLY with you growing your bangs out ashley. ashley.) anyways, what i really want to say is that i cannot tell you how generous and caring and amazing the two of you have been to me. you have helped me realize who i want to be and how i'm going to go about being that person. i love your passion for photography. and i guess your photos aren't half bad. ;) and i guess i just secretly love that you never let me buy my coffee. you two will always have a place in my heart. and we are due for another chatchat. just sayin'.
*followers, stay tuned for some more raving about these girlies. i haven't told you nothin' yet.

//natalie
girl. do you know how much i looked up to you as my babysitter? and how much i look up to you now as my friend? you are a flipping natural with people. you have a seriously stellar smile. and don't even get me started on how inspiring your relationship with God is. did you know that i bought my first 'big black camera' because you had one? you were my idol. i want to be all things natalie. four years later and i now realize that is neither possible, nor necessary. you have shown me that i have so much potential. so much to offer. i can be anything. God created me to be me. not natalie. but there are parts of natalie, you, that i admire. and that i want to be. loving. open. caring. just plain awesome. you are one of the main reasons i am who i am today. and i want to thank you so much for showing interest in me. and my story. and for supporting me. and loving me. and just being natalie. because sometimes natalie is just who i need.

//erin
you've made a lot of appearances on this corner of the universe. i'm sure my followers know you almost as well as they know me. but you are just too wonderful to hide away. i love you. you are one of the most amazing girls i have ever met. you are a best friend. a truly beautiful wonderful amazing friend. you know what i love about you? i can always. always. count on you to cheer me up. always. we both have our ups and downs, but i'd rather spend them with you than most anyone else. our adventures are special to me. we get lost. we laugh. we get way too hyper. we laugh. we blast the music. we laugh. every adventure is fun and crazy and absolutely unforgettable. i just can't sum up our friendship in a paragraph. you know how they say if you're around someone long enough, you'll start turning into them. ya. no doubt that's happening. you are literally making me me. thank you for walking beside me on this journey, whether you realized it or not. i love you for it. oh and i haven't seen you in about three weeks. what is this blasphemy?

//anne
last but most definitely not least. anne. we have maintained and nurtured and developed a friendship across 1500 miles and 10 years. and every time we talk i laugh. i don't just laugh. i laugh until it seriously hurts. like, really hurts. we have something special. you are golden. you are beautiful. and i love your enthusiasm for life. you just can't keep a smile off your face. i LOVE it. ANNE! i miss you so much! i love you so much! you have the kind of outlook on life that i want. i love your smile and your laugh. they are constantly radiating joy. you have been a part of my life since birth. and because of it, you have helped me to become the person i am today. thank. you. i look forward to our next skype sesh. which reminds me, when will that be? xoxoxoxoxo





there are so many women in my life and these are just a few that have really had an impact on me. i want to thank each an every woman that has walked me through this journey. the journey of me discovering me. it wouldn't be anywhere if it wasn't for you guys. girls. i love you. and want to thank you. and happy happy (belated) val-day!!

high on life

i've been riding through life on a high lately. an inspiration high, that is. i'm realizing how exciting the future can be. i'm figuring out who i am. and i'm loving every second of it. i'm trying not to let anything get me down. school. money. stress. fagettaboutit. life is about living and adventures and stories. and that's how i intend to live.

all of this inspiration has got me rethinking me. my brand. who i am as not only a photographer, but as an artist. it's people like hannah and andria and promise that have me realizing that i don't have to box myself into one career. i am free to be who i want. when i want. as i want. as a result, i've noticed myself growing. i'm rooted deeper in the word of god. i'm more comfortable with who i am. i keep coming back to 'bold'. i feel bold. i'm drawn to bold. i want to be bold.

so as i begin to figure out just what that means, i leave you with a mix of some songs that make me want to create. inspire. be bold. and i also leave you with some photos i took early september just before the temperatures began to drop. it was a shoot meant to capture life in one of my favorite spots in minneapolis. i plan on doing so many more of these. because seriously it was so much fun.

will someone please give me a massage

I know it's been forever. And I'm not here to make excuses. What started out as a schoolworkoverload break from blogging soon turned into an Idon'twanttoblog break. School has been stressful - more than I've ever experienced. (I swear I have knots the size of Mt. Everest.) But I'm slowly learning how much is too much. And that B's are okay. And that it's okay to take a break once and a while. School is not my life. I won't let it be. So that's why I'm here today. Now.

It might be a while until I post next. But I wanted to check in. Let y'all know I'm still alive. So before you leave, here's a little something to make you smile. I guarantee it will make your day. :)

happy birthday mom!

It's late. I am literally drowning in homework. And my brain is fried. But I couldn't pass up telling my amazing mom just how, well, amazing she is. I love her. To death. And I honestly don't know what I'd do without her. Thank you for always being there for me, mommy. :)

the magic of film

I know it's so cliche, but there really is something magic about film photography. Maybe it's in the anticipation of the first look after development. Or maybe it's the extra amount of thought that goes into every shot, because a roll of film is far less spacious than a 16gb memory card. Maybe the magic lies within the vulnerability of the film itself - a back cover away from exposure to the damaging light. Personally, I love the soft grainy-ness in every photo - it seems to add a certain tangible depth to the shot. And I just can't help but smile when I think that in all this technologically-engrossed society, I've got a piece of history - photography, in it's purest form.

Note: Most of these photos were digitally altered to black and white form because they had an obnoxious blue-overlay. I kid you not, they were BLUE. So, take my word of advice, and don't ever have your film photos developed at CVS. Please. 

sixteen.

(written yesterday)

I really can't express to you how I feel right now. It's somewhere between happy, overwhelmed, and tremendously thankful. You see, today I turn 16. The big one-six. A birthday the media has created to be materialistic. And big. And, honestly, up until today, that's exactly what I expected it to be. Gifts, facebook messages, birthday letters, more gifts, and more facebook messages - me, me, me! And I guess with a surprise party, and pile of gifts from friends that know me all too well, and all the camera gear I had asked for, I got exactly that. But I realize now that it's not about any of that.

A couple weeks ago, my cousin celebrated her birthday. She was seven going on eight and I thought, 'what better person to give my American Girl Doll to?'. So as I packaged up the doll and every single one of its accessories (read: as my mom packaged up every single one of her accessories), I thought to myself, 'I'll be the star of the show!'. And I was right. As she tore open the wrapping paper to discover what was inside, she screamed with delight and ran off to dress the doll.

Then, a few hours later, her mom (my aunt) came to me and said, "She really loves it, but she wants to give it back. I think she's really overwhelmed." I smiled and assured her it was hers to keep. But I didn't get it. Why would anyone ever want to return so great of a gift - let alone an eight-year-old girl?

Then today, when I opened the envelope to find that the camera was actually on it's way, to me, I finally understood. My cousin didn't want to return the doll because she didn't like it, rather because she felt she didn't deserve it. And that's exactly what I felt, opening that envelope. Why do I, with a roof over my head and food on my plate, deserve a $900 camera? Why do I, with two parents who love me and several amazing friends, deserve a surprise party? Here's the thing:

I don't.

My birthday shouldn't celebrate me. After all, it's not Alexa-day. It should celebrate the life I was given, my birth into this world, and everyone that brought me here. Life is amazing. Without it we'd be lost, and without God. I am so lucky to have the life I have, the family I have, the friends I have, and that is the best gift God could give me. And I can't help but cry out my gratitude to the Lord, every day.

p.s. more on the birthday celebration soon :)

p.s.s. you can expect a birthday giveaway sometime next week!

comfort of a storm

It's raining. Thunder rolls in the distance. The air is cool and lightning strikes on the horizon. It's every characteristic of a storm, though it doesn't quite feel like one. Maybe it's the way the birds gossip in the canopy of branches far above me. Or the way the clouds are so lightly grayed that I can almost see the blue sky behind them.

The rain falls harder now. And the thunder grows from a low rumble to a fierce roar. The bird's songs  are muffled, as they hurry to the shelter of a drier place.

Storms have never frightened me. In a way, I have felt almost comforted. Embraced in the certainty of my own safety. And befuddled by the melancholy beauty of the wet terrain.

in the dead of winter

 

With winter comes freezing temperatures, dry skin, and slippery sidewalks. These are usually excuses for my burrowing under my covers, inside, far from the cold. I just don't get outdoors enough to notice winter's overlooked beauty. 

But today, as I walked the neighbor's dog around the block, little things - such as the golden bushes, and patches of white snow atop - were brought to my attention. I was captivated. Summer is a glorious season full of vibrant, bold colors - one reason I love it so - but winter brings beauty to the dead and dormant with its pale golden & brown pallets. 

And as I hurried to capture winter in its magnificence before the sun left to the other side of the world, I realized how much I love photographing life as it is - people or still life or nature - all of it. It's all a part of who I am, and where I live in this ever-so-majestic world. 

Beauty is everywhere, even in the dead of winter.